Starting over sounds brave on paper. But what they don’t tell you is how often it comes tangled up in guilt, shame, and a never-ending loop of “I should have known better.”
I’ve thought it more times than I can count.
I should have left sooner.
I should have fought harder.
I should have saved more, said less, stayed quiet, spoke up… the list never ends.
But here’s what I’m finally learning — healing means letting it go.
Letting go of the shame that creeps in when you admit a marriage didn’t work. Letting go of the guilt for loving someone who didn’t love you the way you needed. Letting go of the voice in your head that tries to rewrite the past over and over as if that’ll somehow fix it.
It won’t. And it’s not supposed to.
What I can do — what I am doing — is honoring the woman I was. She didn’t have all the answers, but she made the best decisions she could with what she knew at the time. And honestly? I love her for that.
And now, I’m allowed to rewrite the story without carrying all the old chapters like anchors. I’m allowed to start over at 47, soon to be 48, without explaining myself to anyone. I’m allowed to move forward even if my past wasn’t perfect — because whose is?
So today, I’m forgiving myself. Again. And probably again tomorrow.
Because this version of me? She deserves peace. She deserves joy. She deserves a fresh start without the weight of “I should have known.”
Starting over means walking forward lighter.
And I’m finally ready to travel light.
With love and grace,
Aunty Christine
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