Let’s get something straight: setting boundaries does not make you insecure. And feeling jealous doesn’t automatically mean you’re crazy. And having insecurities? Welcome to being human. The thing is, these three often get lumped into the same messy bucket, but they’re not the same—and knowing the difference can save you a lot of heartache (and maybe a few side-eyes from your besties at brunch).
So grab your iced coffee, fluff that throw pillow, and let’s break it all down Aunty Christine-style.
🛑 First up: Boundaries
Boundaries are the fences you build to protect your peace.
Think of boundaries like that little white picket fence around your flower bed. It’s not there to offend anyone—it’s there to keep your roses from getting trampled. Boundaries are about you and what you will or won’t accept in your life.
Want an example? Let’s say you tell your partner:
“I’m not comfortable with you having private late-night convos with other women.”
That’s a boundary, baby. You’re not accusing, you’re not insecure—you’re stating what doesn’t feel okay for you. It’s about emotional safety, not control.
Boundaries are healthy. They’re sexy. They say, “I value myself enough to protect my energy.”
And if someone doesn’t respect your boundaries? Well, now you’ve got a whole different conversation on your hands.
👀 Now let’s talk about Jealousy
Jealousy is an emotion. Not a character flaw.
Jealousy shows up when you feel something important might be threatened—like your connection, your role, or your place in someone’s life. We all feel it sometimes, even the people who pretend they’re too evolved for it.
But here’s the kicker:
Jealousy isn’t the problem. It’s what you do with it that matters.
You can:
Pause and examine it (“Why did that moment bother me so much?”) Communicate it with grace (“When I saw you liking her photos, I felt a little left out.”) Or… you can go full FBI mode and start decoding emojis on someone’s Instagram.
Guess which one leads to growth and which one ends with you crying in the bathtub with a bottle of Barefoot wine?
Yeah. Choose wisely.
😬 And finally, Insecurity
Insecurity whispers, “You’re not enough.”
We all have those whispers. Too old, too emotional, too quiet, too loud, too… whatever. Insecurity is the shadow of our past wounds, our traumas, our experiences—and it shows up when we don’t feel worthy.
The thing is, insecurity doesn’t go away just because someone tells you you’re amazing.
(Though yes, it does feel nice. Keep those compliments coming.)
What helps is building self-trust. That means reminding yourself you’ve made it through hard things. You’ve healed before. You’ve grown. You’re not who you were ten years ago—heck, maybe not even ten weeks ago.
Insecurity becomes a problem when we start projecting it onto other people. When we let it run the show instead of acknowledging it and doing the inner work.
💡 So how do you tell the difference?
Here’s the Aunty Christine cheat sheet:
Feeling or Action
Is it a Boundary, Jealousy, or Insecurity?
“I need open communication and honesty.”
✅ Boundary
“Why does she like all your photos?”
😬 Could be Jealousy, worth unpacking
“I’m scared you’ll leave me for someone better.”
💔 Sounds like Insecurity
“You can’t talk to anyone ever again, or I’ll freak out.”
🚩 That’s Control, not a boundary
“I trust you, but this situation made me uncomfortable.”
✅ Healthy boundary, with awareness
Final Thoughts from Aunty:
Look, love is messy. Relationships are complicated. And self-awareness? That’s the real glow-up.
You are allowed to ask for what you need.
You are allowed to feel what you feel.
And you are absolutely allowed to protect your peace without having to justify it to anyone.
So next time someone tries to label you as “jealous” or “insecure” for having standards, just smile and say:
“Nah, babe. That’s just my boundary—and I happen to like it right where it is.”
Now go on and water your damn flowers. 💜
Leave a comment