If you’ve ever found yourself hurting over something that wasn’t your choice… I see you. If you’ve had your peace disrupted by someone else’s unresolved chaos—you’re not alone.
Starting over in midlife comes with its own set of growing pains. Some are expected, like figuring out your next career move or creating a space that truly feels like home. But others sneak up on you. The emotional kind. The kind that comes from being dragged into someone else’s mess.
Lately, I’ve been feeling like collateral damage. Not in a dramatic, movie-scene kind of way. But in the quiet, heartbreaking way that happens when people make decisions in their own wars, and the shrapnel lands right at your feet.
You try to do the right thing. You try to be kind, to be strong, to be steady. You keep building your life brick by brick, one hopeful piece at a time. Then someone else makes a move—and suddenly you’re swept up in the fallout. You didn’t cause the conflict, but you’re still sitting in the wreckage.
That’s a hard space to live in.
And honestly? It makes you feel small. Powerless. Like your needs, your voice, your heart… just didn’t make the cut in the grand scheme of someone else’s battle plan.
But here’s what I want you to hear—especially if you’ve been in this place before, or if you’re there right now:
You’re not crazy for feeling hurt. You’re not weak for being affected. You’re not overreacting for grieving something that you won’t be able to have. You’re human. And you were impacted. That matters.
What I’ve had to remind myself—sometimes daily—is that being collateral damage does not make me disposable. It doesn’t make me less valuable. And it definitely doesn’t mean I have to stay stuck in someone else’s mess.
Because while I may not have control over the actions that hurt me, I do have control over what I do next.
So I give myself space. I allow the disappointment. I let the tears fall if they need to. And then, little by little, I get back to reclaiming my story.
I remind myself that even when other people don’t make room for my heart, I can. I can make room for healing. I can protect my peace. I can say, “This is not mine to carry,” and put it down.
If you’ve been caught in someone else’s emotional crossfire lately, I want you to know—it’s okay to feel all the things. It’s okay to step back. It’s okay to care deeply and still choose yourself.
Because you are not just the fallout from someone else’s war. You are not a footnote. You are not a side character.
You are the author. This is your chapter.
And I’m standing with you, right here in the middle of it all, reminding you: you don’t have to make sense of their battle. You only have to keep writing your peace.
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